So you can put a face with the name
So Em is awesome... I could go on about so many things! We live across the country from each other but we couldn’t be more similar and meant to be bloggity buds. We share a love for RENT (the musical, not paying for it monthly), bitching about idiots involved in our weddings, and talking about the differences between a Brazilian Blowout & Wax. (Editor's note: I secretly believe that there is actually *no* difference between the two and Laura is pulling a fast one on me.)
So now that I’ve blabbed on a little bit, mostly because I still don’t know what I’m going to write about, I guess I should get to some type of point. I guess what I want to share with some of you today is what I feel are the top things you need to discuss with your significant other before tying the knot. Agree or don’t, this is just the Top Ten things I feel are important to have a clear understanding about with each other before jumping in...
1. KIDDOS – This always seems like an obvious one but make it clear. Because I’ve personally known girls to act completely blindsided when they find out their husband doesn’t want any kids. Discuss how many children you want to have and more importantly when. Most girls want to be young moms and finishing up by the time their thirty... while your hubby might be more interested in having fun for a while and possibly waiting until he feels his career is more established. Okay now you’ve had kids... who’s going to stay home with them? Or will you put your child in day care. And will you be putting them in public or private school, maybe even homeschool? This is one we haven’t decided on yet. I went to private school my whole life and the hubs went until 8th grade. I think it might depend on our location once we have children.
2. RELIGION – Do you both share the same views? Is it alright if you don’t? If you don’t share the same religion do they at least “mesh”? Is one of you willing to convert to the other’s religion? Will your religious value affect your sexual values? For example, some religions don’t believe in ANY form of birth control. This is definitely something to spend some time discussing if you don’t share the same views. My hubs and I had all of the same religious views when we met so this was thankfully an easy one for us.
3. DAY TO DAY LIVING – How do you live day to day and what do you expect your living situation to be like? What are your eating habits that you grew up accustomed to... eating out every day or just on special occasions? Where will you be eating the dinner... in front of the tv or at a table as a family? What is one persons extra expenses that maybe the other thinks is a waste? The hubs and I decided we would have a specific dollar amount a month that we can spend on WHATEVER and anything over that we should talk to each other first. My whatever money goes to things like nail appointments and Brazilian blowouts while his might go to a round of golf with a buddy.
4. FINANCES – Who is primarily in charge of the money? Who will be paying all of the bills? Will you both work full time? Will you have separate checking accounts or will it be joint checking? We decided to do joint checking which we actually did about four months before we were married. Best decision we personally ever made. It was never a discussion (read: argument) on who was paying for what... it was paid and that was it. Next, how are you going to save and what are you going to save for?
5. DEBT LEVELS / CREDIT – This I think is really important. Before the hubs met me he NEVER had a credit card... that was until he wanted to buy me an engagement ring, buy couches we wanted, etc. I on the other hand had a lot of credit cards in my time. About the same time we got engaged I paid off a good chunk that I had built up when I first moved out when I was younger and was spending it all on food, gas, and booze. It’s not fun paying for that Long Island Iced Tea from four years ago let me tell you. Sometimes debt is really important to one person... I have a friend who didn’t tell her future husband about $6k in credit card debt she had... but you have to remember, your debt is now going to be his debt as his will be yours. EVERYTHING needs to be put out on the table. If possible, I think it’s a great idea to try and find a financial advisor to help you find the best way to get out of debt in your situation (school loans, credit cards, etc.) and how you can start saving money for emergencies and retirement.
6. “ME” TIME – How will you both be spending your free time after work and on weekends? Will there be a specific day of the week that will be YOUR date night and nobody will consider planning anything that night? Are you used to a girl or guys night out that is a tradition that you expect to keep? I had to make it clear when I first met my husband that I love my friends and I don’t plan on giving up regular time spent with them. Luckily he loves them so has never had an issue with me spending time with them whenever I want.
7. CHORES – This one’s simple. Who’s going to do what? Cooking? Cleaning? Shopping? Trash? Etc? This is what the hubs and I did and it worked out fantastic. Both of you separately write out a list of what you think the “husband duties” are and what you think the “wife duties” are. Come back together and compare lists. The ones that match, perfect. The ones that don’t discuss and come to a logical decision.
8. CAREER – Will you both be working full time? Maybe you will work part-time and then do the stay-at-home wifely duties? What about once you retire... are you seeing yourself on a cabin in the woods, the balmy beaches in Florida, or the dessert resorts of Palm Springs or Scottsdale?
9. LOCATION – This has been a biggie for me and the husband although I think just within the past week we know where we see ourselves... and that’s pretty much right where we are. We have both grown up in Southern California and have wanted to be anywhere from Oregon to Arizona to the beach. Make sure you both see the same vision on where you want to have your family’s home be. The more you cannot have to move around the better and you both want to be happy... not all of us can be a little bit country and a little bit city.
10. PERSONAL GOALS – Discuss your personal goals that you’ve had set for yourself since before you even met your significant other. Make sure you both are fully aware of what you want to accomplish in life and support each other in the most realistic ways as possible.
Duuuuuude, am I boring or what? I think I tried to hard to want to be the funny blogger on Em’s blog... instead I felt compelled to share something my husband and I did before getting married and it was a great experience. We made it a big date night and discussed all of these things... most we already knew but it was nice to reiterate some things as well as learn more about each other we didn’t really know.
I swear I’m not always so preachy and I actually do have some fun on my blog... so if you’d love to follow my journey as a newlywed please visit me at my blog, www.happyhourwithahousewife.com & if you’d like to see the journey before my big day you can always check out my old blog, http://withthisringitheeblog.blogspot.com!
Thanks for having me Em and I hope your wedding was nothing short of fabulous! And Burning River Readers... well, if you’re still reading... thanks for listening to me blabbb.
P.S. You can also follow my daily antics on Twitter... www.twitter.com/mesoolala