Thursday, January 28, 2010

Gimme a break

*I've had this post half-written since Monday but I just haven't been able to post it. I finally feel like I can.

I really wanted to log in to Blogger today and write a post about how awesome our tasting went. And it did go awesomely. Great food, lots of laughs (and lots of wine.) But there is something else on my mind that I have to talk about instead.

Why is it that brides are not allowed to make mistakes?

Growing up we're told that it's OK to make mistakes. That it's a part of life that should be embraced because mistakes teach you lessons. But once you have that ring on your finger and are declared "Bride", God forbid you do something wrong.

For most of us, this is our first time doing this (raises hand.) Some of us have probably only been to a handful of weddings (raises arm and hand.) I'd even be willing to bet that a good number of us have never been a bridesmaid (raises both arms and hands.) Yet we're expected to get everything right. And when we don't (notice I said "when" not "if" because inevitably we *will* get something wrong) we're called out and made to feel like shit.

At least that's my experience.

And if I can get real for a hot second, let me just say I think it's bullshit.

So from now on I'm pledging to stop feeling guilty when I make a mistake while planning my wedding. Own up to it? Yes. Apologize? Yes, when necessary. But I'm not going to feel bad. Because guess what? I really don't know what the hell I'm doing. I can read all the blogs I want, I can ask the advice of any number of brides who've gone before me, but I'm navigating unknown territory, here. Go give me, give US, a damn break.

Anyone else feel like this? Please tell me I'm not alone.


  1. Amen, sister! You are not alone!

    Sorry that someone made you feel bad along the way. That suckity suck sucks. But you keep on being the fabulous you that you are, and remember this post. Because it is OK to mess up and because you're right--you've never done this before!

  2. Yep! I have never been a BM or basically all I know is via blog-land or advice someone has given me. I often find myself stressing out that I'm not doing something right or going about it in the wrong way...and that if something goes wrong than who's fault is it?? umm mine apparently. great.
    I'm trying to just go with the flow and not be so hard on myself. Thankfully I haven't had anyone call me out on anything...yet.
    Keep your head up!

  3. Well said, and so true! I never thought about it before but that is so right!

  4. I raised my hand a lot during your rant so I can definitely relate AND agree. I think the best brides are the ones who make the mistakes and say "Yep. Thats what I did. Deal with it..." Its easier to stay true to you (flaws and all) than to pretend to be someone you aren't!

  5. I'm sorry to hear that someone made you feel this way. And I don't understand why it isn't common sense that when planning a big event something at some point is bound to go wrong. I also don't understand why someone thinks they have a right to make a big deal out of something that involves YOUR wedding (unless they are perhaps the groom). Maybe I'm not seeing the bigger picture here, but I think you should go about your business without the need to explain yourself or feel guilty.

  6. So true!! And what's even more stupid is that some people think you're doing things 'wrong' just because it's not what they'd do or what they've seen at every other wedding they've been to. Ahh.. Thank you so much for writing this post!

  7. I honestly don't think that you could do something "wrong." It is YOUR wedding! So there really are no mistakes...they are just the choices you make!

    By the way I laughed out loud at the part when you said, "And if I can get real for a hot second." Thanks for making me smile!

  8. I don't make mistakes.

    Just know that's a load of crap! I'm so sorry that something happened to make you feel bad...especially when it's something you don't know anything about. My mister has an unfortunate habit of doing this to me sometimes. He is a flooring contractor who can fix just about anything around the house. He'll ask me to bring him a tool or be telling me about something and if I tell him I don't get it or understand, he'll act like I'm a freaking stupid moron. I will lovingly look at him and say "Honey, you know all about this have to remember that this all means nothing to me so I need you to please explain it to me as if I'm a child." Then he'll realize what an ass he's been and communicate a little more effectively. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone would realize that we are not all wedding geniuses! Ask most people what the difference between a place card and an escort card is and they'll look at you like you're speaking alien!

  9. You made a mistake by asking me to design your invitations... haha just kidding! They'll be gorgeous, can't wait! (working on it now)

    PS: LOVE your writing! It's like you're right here, in my laptop, talking to me :)

  10. It is not okay that someone is making you feel this way. This is their problem not yours. Of course we are allowed to make mistakes. Weve never done this before!

  11. Oh girl, I hear you loud and clear. I have never been a BM, I have never been married, AND I have only been to two weddings in my life (one at like, age 9, and one last year that wasn't the big event that we're planning...they planned it in 1 1/2 months). I've got nothing to go off of except for wedding blog-land...and yep...guess what? I have made a butt load of mistakes along the way so far, and I don't think there is an end in sight to them at this point! So...I guess what I'm saying is you are NOT alone, and I am quite positive that your wedding will be great...mistakes and all!