Thursday, August 19, 2010

Burning River Wedding: Not All Rainbows and Butterflies

We've been married for almost 3 months and I'm desperately trying to hold on to every memory of our wedding weekend. But as each day passes, little details escape me. I almost wish I had "taken notes" during our honeymoon whenever we talked about the day. Yes, we have the photographs to tell a story, but our photographers are human and couldn't capture every little thing.

Was the day "perfect"? On the surface, yes, it actually was. I know how incredibly lucky I am to be able to say that. However, looking back there are definitely disappointments, some bigger than others, that are not necessarily surface-level.

Don't get me wrong, I *loved* our wedding. I'm incredibly grateful for everyone who made the day possible. We were surrounded by love, happiness, laughter, family, friends, music, booze and food and at the end of the day I married the love of my life.  Really, that's what matters most. If you told me I could go back and relive my wedding day all over again but couldn't change anything, I still absolutely would.

But...there's always a but.

I know I usually keep things fairly "light" around here, however in the interest of full-disclosure I feel that honesty and openness are important in this circumstance.

Because I don't want this to turn into a novel, I'm going to list the "disappointments" but save the full stories for the recaps. Gotta keep a bit of suspense, right? So here we go:

1. I drank way too much and ate way too little at the rehearsal dinner, resulting in zero sleep and feeling like shit the morning of my wedding.

2. I think some of my BMs were unhappy w/ their hair :(

3. My flowers (my bouquet and BM bouquets) were...not exactly what I expected.

4. Some members of the wedding party (read: the boys) didn't really "get it" when it came to taking pictures.

5. We didn't follow the list I put together for family formals. Please note: I do not blame our photographers for this, I blame myself.

6. My dad...for so many reasons.

7. Most of the wedding party didn't smile while walking down the aisle and this is reflected in the pictures.

8. My mom also did not smile while walking down the aisle and again, you see this in pictures. (Was no one happy?)

9. Guests weren't asked to rise before I walked down the aisle. I know that sounds so ridiculous, but it's something you always see and I was just confused as to why it didn't happen.

10. I forgot my Spanx. Worst. Mistake. Ever.

11. Our cake was wrong.

12. Our shuttle majorly effed up at the end of the night.

13. A very important family member left in the middle of dinner because his significant other (note: not wife or fiance...not even sure if girlfriend is the correct term) felt uncomfortable due to her religious beliefs.

14. I wish there were a bit more "behind the scenes" pictures from throughout the day. Pictures of us in the limo or our interactions between "posed" shots. A few more photojournalistic pictures would have been nice (please note: I LOVE our photographers and this is not a strike against them at all.)

I write this post not to be a Debbie Downer about my wedding, but to be completely honest with my readers, brides who are planning their wedding, and brides who may have the same feelings and want to know they're not alone. Things happen, people disappoint...that's life, welcome. And it's OK to be disappointed, it means you're human and imperfect, just like the rest of us.

Next up: I get back on the recap train and we rehearse!


  1. I like your honesty. I think it's important to note that even when things weren't 100%, you were still happy with your wedding, and most importantly with the fact that your married. I'm excited to hear about your recaps!

  2. I'm really glad you wrote this post. For one, it must be somewhat cathartic for you to let it out. As for me, I'm getting married in less than 2 months and it's good to read posts like these and realize that weddings rarely go 100% perfectly. I'm glad you are happy with your wedding overall and hope that if things go wrong at mine, I'm able to look back and feel good about it.

    Looking forward to your recaps!

  3. I'm so glad you wrote this Em! It's so hard because I think every bride has an idea in her head that everything will be perfect! It's important to realize that things happen. It's how you deal with them that matter. And that you are married. And happy. Bravo friend!

  4. I really need to write a post like this. Honestly, I got most of the 'bad side' out in my vendor review of our venue, but there are still other little things that bug the crap out of me and I need to vent about it so I can finally get over it.

  5. Honestly, I think I'm with you on about 75% of these. These posts are really helpful to brides to be because I think it helps keep our expectations in check. This is about being married, a marriage... and sometimes things go wrong. It happens.

    You still had a beautiful wedding and Spanx or none, you were HOT!

  6. Em, thank you so much for your honesty. I am glad you wrote this post. It's important for me to remember to check my perfectionist expectations at the door and remember that things will go wrong, so thank you for helping me to do that.

    That being said, I agree with everyone who said it must feel cathartic for you to write this down! Let it out, girl. We are here to support you and we all know that you loved your wedding, so if you need to talk about some stuff, please do--we wont' hold it against you.

    You know my email if you ever need to vent! Can't wait for more of your recaps. :)

  7. I have been reading several posts similar to this, and as a bride-to-be still, I think it will prove to be extremely helpful. Nothing can go 100% perfect and it's good to realize that, whether it before or after the wedding. Still, I'm happy that you married the love of your life and your day went (relatively) well!!

  8. I can totally relate to this and plan on writing something similar soon. As much as I loved our wedding day (which was the same date as yours!) there are definitely things I'm disappointed about. I try not to focus on them but as the wedding day glow wears off more and more I'm finding myself more and more irritated about these things. Glad I'm not alone!

  9. Well, you know how I feel about this situation ;) seeing as I just wrote about it too. It does make me feel better to know that I'm not alone with the less than happy feelings that surfaced post-wedding. But, like we both said: the day was awesome, and the memories are great. Everything can't be perfect though...darn it!

  10. Hi Emily, it's funny to me that this is the first time I'm commenting after reading your blog for months. My fiance and I are planning our Cleveland wedding from DC, and the reception will be at Windows. That's how I first stumbled on your blog. I can't tell you how wonderful it's been to read about your planning and experience. As the stress level gets turned up for us during the last couple months before the big day, this post was comforting. Stuff happens. A good reminder. Cheers to you and your husband!

  11. Yes yes yes yes yes. Nothing in life is without regrets, questions, and disappointments. (Well no event.) But this is about a marriage. It's good that we can be excited about marriage but look back clearly and see what we wish was different... I think if everything went perfect it would be unrealistic. I agree with what Hannah said!!

  12. I am finally catching up on your posts. And oh man can I relate to this one. No matter what happens, crap will go wrong at your wedding. It's so frustrating, but just needs to be expected.

    Here are my "I can so relate" comments to your items:

    1) I totally felt like crap the morning of my wedding day...but not due to alcohol intake...just because of nerves maybe?
    4) I also had WP members who didn't 'get it' when it came to taking photos.
    5) We didn't get all the formals I wanted either...but totally my photog's fault!!!
    7) I also had some WP members who looked silly walking down the aisle because they didn't smile...only I think it was just maybe 1 or 2.
    11) Our cake tasted amazing but was so 'wrong' as well. :) I haven't been able to do a recap post of it yet...maybe this week.
    13) WTF? How does a family member leave due to the SO's uncomfortableness with religious issues? So messed up!

    And yes, the photojournalistic style shots of pics taken when no one notices are almost always the best! Glad you shared all of this and am right here to hopefully lift you up as you vent about it all!

  13. Thanks for the post. It just makes it shows that despite all the planning not everything goes smoothly, which sucks.

    Ultimately I think the wedding is about the couple and no one else should try to make it about themselves. That's why they get invited, or get paid to do their job.