Thursday, July 22, 2010

Antiguan Antics: Our "WTF?" Massage

My good friend Kelly has a whole blog dedicated to the awkward situations she gets in. I only hope the story I'm about to tell meets her standards.

Josh and I knew we wanted some kind of massage or other spa treatment on our honeymoon. Our package came with a $250 credit and I'm aaallll about "free" stuff (I'm sure that $250 was hidden somewhere in the cost of our honeymoon.) Early in the week we headed to Red Lane Spa to check out what it had to offer.

A lovely (and tiny!) woman told us all about their spa and recommended a few services we might enjoy. We decided on something called Champagne Romance Couple's Massage or something close to that. She even threw in a complimentary body scrub. We were given a day/time (Thursday afternoon) to come in and instructed to remember our camera. This should have been my first indication that this may be rather strange.

Thursday rolled around and after lounging on the beach for a few hours (and getting *really* red) we headed to the spa. After being welcomed by the staff we were lead to private changing rooms and given bathrobes and slippers. Josh was nervous about the "fully naked" part, but I assured him it was normal and no one would see his peeps.

Everything looked perfectly normal at first glance. There was a nice soaking tub:

And a shower:

And towels with flowers:

Nice and spa-like. Our scrub was first and unfortunately for me it hurt like hell. Remember how I said I got *really* red earlier in the day? Right. Really red plus salt scrub equals ouchies. After the scrub we were told to get up and go shower. Together. Naked.

But first! We had to get off the massage table. Naked. In front of the massage ladies. We did a little turn over, wrap the towel song and dance and I'm pretty sure they didn't see anything. Not that I would have really cared necessarily, it was just kinda weird.

Ok, so we shower (together, naked) and the ladies return about 10 minutes later. It was weird but we got through it.

Next up, the massage! This was heavenly, no complaints.

But then...then they tell us to get in the tub. Together. Naked. Again, we did the towel song and dance to get off the table, but then we still needed to get in the tub. So the massage ladies helped us with that and it was SO WEIRD.

Josh went first. His masseuse held up a towel to shield him from her while he awkwardly stepped into the tub. Then it was my turn and I did the same with my masseuse. Like before I'm pretty sure they didn't see anything (when did I all of a sudden become so modest?).

Now we're in the tub. The ladies bring out a plate of fruit and 2 glasses of champagne. We start awkwardly sipping and eating while one of the girls gets our camera. The following pictures document our "tub time."

Oh, hi! Just sittin' here in a bubble bath with our champagne.

Mmm this champagne sure is tasty!

Fruit? Don't mind if I do!

Lady and the Tramp we are not.

Ok let's just kiss and get this over with.

Then they left us alone. "We'll be back in 20 minutes!" they said. This was probably the most awkward part of the whole thing. Were we supposed it? Because that was NOT going to happen. Hell no. Plus I had to pee really bad. I couldn't relax and honestly just wanted the whole thing to be over at this point. But no, we chilled there for 20 minutes and I thought to myself "When I do honeymoon recaps this is going to be the BEST story to tell." 

After all was said and done Josh took a few pics of me being, you guessed it, awkward in my robe.

Needless to say, it was a fairly enjoyable but incredibly uncomfortable experience. I knew I should have just got a damn manicure.

Have any of you experienced anything like this? Please tell me I'm not alone. And since we're all friends here, would you have "done it" in the tub??


  1. the hubs probably would have wanted to do it... lol and our couples massage thing on our honeymoon was awkward as well... no pictures to document that one tho!

  2. HAHAHA. This is awesome. Pete doesn't like the idea of a massage (or at least paying for one) so I'm not sure he would have even wanted to join! Although he probably would have been all about doin' it... that little perv

  3. Odd, very odd. J would have been like - um, no. I'll go shower with my wife once you leave the room, kthanxbye.
    Your pictures are awesome!

  4. Mr Fix It and I are HUGE massage fans! And we have gone to several spas like the one you mentioned - which was really nice, btw. :) We've also been in rooms like that with a private tub and such. Though usually when it's time for you to jump in the shower or get in the tub, they'll leave the room...not help you in and not stay there or whatever.

    Honestly, the most awkward thing about this was that they asked you to bring your camera to take photos. I mean, if *YOU* had asked them before they left, "Hey, will you take a quick pic of us?" that's one thing, but for them to tell you to get in the tub and then do a photo shoot...strange for sure.

    Still though...nothing else you mentioned seemed overly weird or awkward at all. Sounds heavenly...except for the scrub part...I would have known not to go out in the sun before you get a body scrub. Next time you'll know to opt out of that if you have sun bathed :)

    As far as the tub part...I LOVE those things! Especially after a relaxing massage. And yes, we have been in them before with fruit and champagne (or cider in our case) and all that...but we have never 'done it' in the tub. :)

    Side note: the fact you kept emphasizing that you were expected to 'get in the shower' and 'in the tub' 'naked' with your guy makes me think that you don't like to shower or take baths with your guy normally :) Why did you keep emphasizing the naked part? Was it because you and Josh don't normally do that or just because the girls were in the room watching while you were getting in and out and such?

  5. This is too funny. How awkward and NOT relaxing! We had a couples massage once when we were in the Dominican Republic. It was nice, but I am just not a massage person. It's too personal or something, I think? I would've felt the same way as you!

  6. I think it was so weird because although Josh and I do shower and stuff together, it's in the privacy of our own bathroom/home (or a hotel room). I just thought it was really strange that they looked at it as totally normal. I mean, yeah we're all adults and I'm not a stranger to sex or being naked with Josh or anything, but just not in such a "public" way I guess. I think I was most uncomfortable with the "wink wink" vibe of it all. Like, "Ok, we'll leave you two kids alone now, wink wink." No, just give me a damn massage lol.

  7. I don't think I'd find that relaxing at all. yikes! The photo shoot aspect is straight up odd!

  8. Hahahah, we had a couples massage, but our little 'relaxation' time was alone.. And we didn't have to be naked. We wore our swimsuits to the spa and just took them off when they had us 'get ready' in the room right before the massage. I can't get over how weird that would be! David would probably be all for it, though.. Ha!

  9. We did a couples massage that included Hot Tub time afterwards but they left the room so we could put our bathing suits back on and wear those in the hot tub. However they did leave the room for the hot tub time but we ended up leaving early b/c we were just too hot, it was 1000 degrees outside, we didn't want to spend 20 minutes in 100 degree water. We were kinda bored b/c like you we weren't gonna "do it". The massages however were great.

  10. Dang that you asked the question, I can't get this out of my head: how many people had "done it" in that tub before you guys were in it!!?!?! Ahhhhh the thought won't leave my mind!

    Justin would be mortified about people potentially seeing him naked for sure. I would be pretty uncomfortable as well; if we're going to shower together, I don't want other people telling me to do it with that "wink wink nudge nudge" vibe...gahhhh

  11. Hahaha you crack me up! I think I would be thinking the same thing about blogging this story! I'm surprised they didn't leave the room and just let you guys do your thing. As for doing it in the tub, I don't think so.

  12. We would totally do it. Ha, ha. Just kidding!

  13. Haha this is too funny! I would have felt so weird too!

  14. OMG I JUST DIEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD! The pictures MAY be the best thing ever. I, for one, am GLAD you were instructed to bring your camera.

    I bet it was a situation of "Here is what Americans are like. They book these vacations. They take pictures of EVERY DETAIL. They like to shower together. Make this seem VERY NORMAL even though it may be weird to you."

    Is it creepy that I wish I could be a fly on the wall? LOL

    B would have FLIPPED THE F OUT. He won't even shower with me in general. He's weird about a few things and that's ONE of them. He was VERY nervous at our massage. And uh yea HE WAS MAJOR BURNED. So we had side by side massages but partway through they did some sunburn relief thing and I could hear him making that sucking-in-air "this hurts" kind of noise like when you put something cold on a burn, LOL.

    I adore youuuuu! Frame one of those and put it in your bathroom for potty guests to enjoy.

  15. Hahaaaaa! This story seriously made me want to go put on more clothes, and I'm home alone. That's some awkward stuff!

  16. Too funny! That would have been awkward! The pics are cute though! :)

  17. i know i'm late to this, but that is hilarious. i'm glad you got a good massage, but that "tub time" is too funny. i love that they took a picture of you. naked. in a tub.