Monday, May 11, 2009

Absence makes the heart grow fonder and the mind go crazy

BRG went to Indiana to visit a friend for the weekend, leaving me to fend for myself. Usually I enjoy my alone time immensely. I grew up as an only child (kinda...I'll get into it later) so I spent a lot of time just me, myself, and I. For some reason, though, this weekend was different. All of my local friends were out of town or they have babies. So it was just me and the cats...and did I ever feel like a freaking cat lady.

I couldn't help but be on the brink of tears for most of the weekend. I'm unemployed (again, more about that later) so I spend all day by myself while he works. The last thing I need is a weekend alone. I know he was just spending time with his best friend (and best man) and I really do encourage him to have a life outside of me, but I didn't like it. To top it off, he's going to a bachelor party over Memorial Day weekend (Thurs-Mon). Like I said, I love when he does stuff with the boys, but I can't help feeling a tinge of jealousy.

Our history with separation would suggest that I should be used to us being apart for extended periods of time. See, BRG and I did the long-distance thing from June 06-Jan 09. He graduated from OU in 2006, a mere 6 months into our (official) relationship. I literally thought my world was ending. We made it through the summer just fine as we were only an hour away from each other. We saw each other almost every weekend and had date nights on Wednesday to break up the week. When it came time for me to go back to OU in September, again I thought my world was ending. That first quarter was pure hell. We fought about the littlest things. We were irritable. I was jealous over the most ridiculous things. It wasn't because I didn't trust him, it was because other people (family, friends, co-workers, the cashier at the grocery store, etc.) got to hang out with him and I didn't. Immature? Yes. Irrational? Probably. But to me it was serious.

How we managed to not kill each other during that first quarter I'll never know. My living situation made it hard because my roomie (and now bridesmaid) had a boyfriend who was basically living with us (and who I didn't really all). To me it wasn't fair that she got to see her boyfriend every single day and I didn't. Again, it was immature but something that I couldn't help but feel.

In my opinion, you truly don't know what it means to miss some one until you're in a long distance relationship (deaths notwithstanding), whether that means you're in a long distance friendship, romantic relationship, or even far from your parents.

Obviously, we got through it. We cherished the weekends we had together. I tried to not take seeing him for granted. While I wish we hadn't gone through all of that, I wouldn't change it if I could do it all over again. It made us stronger and it made us appreciate moving in together even more. I was so happy when I could stop living out of my duffle bag. The best feeling, though, was felt during the first few Sundays we lived together. It was a feeling of "Oh my god...I don't have to leave." I still tear up thinking about it.

Here's the thing, though: I think sometimes I need to be reminded of just how good I have it. I live with him and see him every day. The occasional weekend away is nothing compared with women who have boyfriends/fiances/husbands in the military. This past weekend reminded me to really enjoy the time I spend with him. Aww I'm getting all mushy now. Next post: back to sassy pants.

1 comment:

  1. I have to say, I'm glad I'm not the only one that felt jealous about stupid people like his roommate or college friends getting to see him more than I did we were where long distance. I felt bad about being so immature, but it didn't change that I felt that way! I have it pretty good now too, thanks for the reminder!